Mission on Mimban Twelve

[klcthebookworm]

Previous Installments

Introduction, One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve, Outline for Mission on Mimban

What Happens in the Chapter

After the massacre is finished (and I'm assuming cleaned up as much as possible), they regroup to decide what to do next. Luke drops the bombshell that Vader isn't heading back for reinforcements, but is continuing on towards the Kaiburr crystal. Luke theorizes that Vader must be able to sense the crystal presence in the Force and asks the Coway chief to show them another way out, one not under observation by the Imperials. Leia's peeved at herself for missing Vader but compliments Luke's proficiency with the lightsaber. They reach the crevice out, twenty meters from the main entrance, and see an armored vehicle its muzzle angled directly down the mouth of the tunnel. Halla's all for stealing it, Leia volunteers for dropping the antipersonnel charge that they don't have into the transport, and Luke comes up with a plan that actually works.

Then we jump into the head of the unnamed Imperial sergeant as he reflects on the recent battle. They were totally unprepared for a native force that could fight back and they didn't react in the fashion Imperial troops were famous for. Grammel and Lord Vader have taken a journey somewhere else first (which is so okay by him because he had no desire to accompany that tall, black-armored spectral shape anywhere whatsoever) but they'll return and organize the retaliatory forces. He can't wait to roast that cavern until every native male, woman, and infant had been reduced to ashes. He's concentrating on that happy thought when he calls out for a status report from the lookout in the turret. The answer is an "all clear" before a meter-and-a-half tall bomb covered with short, bristly fur drops into the turret and yanks the stormtrooper clear of it. A second one drops into the turret and then down into the personnel area.

Point of view shifts to outside the armored vehicle to Halla, Luke, Leia, and the droids watching the armored crawler beginning to move along with the shouting and screaming. Halla worries it's taking too long and Luke defends his choice; sending the Yuzzem in keeps the equipment undamaged unlike an explosive. The crawler keeps moving until it rams into a tree and finally comes to a stop. Hin squeezes back out the turret, waves them over, and then pulls them up the metal sides. Hin also suggests that they not watch the clean-up inside, which Luke explains to Leia. Leia declares she is hardened enough to taken it only to go really pale when Hin chucks a double handful of what used to be a person over the side. She shuts up and watched whatever pretty tree Luke is focusing on by his side for the rest of the clean-up. They get inside and find there is plenty of room even with two Yuzzem, they are less mass than ten stormtroopers. Luke finds the control panel more complicated than an X-Wing and lets Halla drive. Halla runs the crawler backwards straight into a pair of entwined trees which promptly drop two boles on the vehicle.

A signaled point of view shift and the readers are now part of the Vader and Grammel road show as their big troop carrier crawler speeds along. Grammel continues apologizing for being unable to guess that the underground natives would be such good warriors. Vader, who has no patience for bullshit on a good day, isn't buying Grammel's story. "Admit it, Captain-Supervisor. Your troops were inadequately prepared, poorly trained. Discipline and morale were both absent and you were routed by a mob of ignorant savages!" Grammel is unable to admit this and continues to argue with Vader. Vader points out again how the aborigines had human advice and aid for their fight and Grammel missed all the signs of that as well. Oh but don't worry, Vader will make it all better once he holds the balance of the crystal. Grammel, peeved that meting out justice is being taken away from him, cannot stop arguing or giving excuses even when Vader resorts to declaring

"Grammel, your existence befouls me."

"My Lord," Grammel babbled desperately, rising from the bench, if I--"

Faster than a human eye could follow, Vader's lightsaber was up, activated and moving. Grammel's slashed form pitched wildly, stumbled and tumbled over the side of the crawler.

Vader yells at the stormtrooper to get back to his driving and they continue forward. Vader looks back to see jungle scavengers already sniffing Grammel's corpse and then pulls out the crystal fragment and concentrates on sensing it.

Another signaled point of view shift (and these are rare enough I am pointing them out), and were back with our heroes in their crawler several days later. All of the crawler's occupants were dirty, discouraged and exhausted from racing nonstop through the misty landscape. Leia is the one to vocalize this. Luke feels they are getting closer in the Force. Artoo is in the turret and spots the ziggurat first. [I]t looked as if it were formed of cast iron. But metal it was not. Instead, the massive edifice had been built of great blocks of some volcanic stone. ... The entrance was still visible, although the ten-meter high curved archway was half collapsed and had filled the passageway with rubble to a height taller than two men.

Luke is excited because they beat Vader here and is the first one out of the crawler and to the top of the entrance rubble pile. He waits until the other four join him and they venture inside together. The roof has caved in two spots and the glowing Kaiburr crystal is lodged on the chest of a colossal statue seated [...] against the dark wall. It represented a vaguely humanoid being seated on a carved throne. Leathery wings which might have been vestigial swept out in two awesome arcs to either side of the creature. Enormous claws thrust from feet and arms, [...]. It had no face below slanted, accusing eyes--only a mass of Medusian, carved tentacles.

Before they can reach the leering statue, an enormous carnivorous lizard comes out of the darkness. Three pistols blasting at it has no effect, so Luke tells Hin and Kee to go back to the crawler for the rifles. While they scamper away to do that, Luke distracts and attacks the creature with his lightsaber. Luke pokes the creature in the chin and that puts a hole in its jaw. Jaws parted to reveal a gullet high and wide enough to dance in. Luke saw something moving inside. He dodges to the side and the lizard's prehensile tongue pulverizes a boulder instead. He isn't able to dodge the second tongue punch, but it connects with the lightsaber in front of Luke and that causes the creature to yelp in pain. It continues stalking Luke while Leia and Halla fire uselessly at it. It lunges forward to bite, but Luke is able to duck under its jaw and slice it underneath as he stumbles into a pillar supporting the roof. The lightsaber cut doesn't go through the creature's hide, so Luke takes out the pillar instead and the three humans flee the roof collapse. The creature chases them but doesn't clear the falling stones. Gigantic blocks of curved stone crushed its front end to pulp, stilling the toothy grin forever.

Once the lizard creature stops moving, Halla heads straight to the idol. Luke sticks his lightsaber into the creature up to the hilt and it doesn't move. Unfortunately, he doesn't get clear of more stones crumbling from the edge of the new hole. Halla can't give up the crystal and continues toward it. Leia finds Luke nearby the small hillock of fresh broken rock pinned on his back. A massive block had struck the temple floor and then tumbled to rest on his right thigh and calf. Together, they cannot budge the stone, though Luke realizes the whole weight is not on his leg and wonders out loud where the Yuzzem are since they haven't come back yet.

"I am afraid your slow-witted companions will no longer be able to help you or anyone else, Skywalker."

Vader stands on the rubble pile in the entrance and slowly saunters inside, explaining what he did to Hin and Kee and how he had the droids turn themselves off. He continues conversationally complaining how hard it was to find out that Luke was the one who shot up his TIE fighter and the Death Star. Vader all but promises he will kill Luke quicker than he deserves. To Leia he promises to show her all the interesting things he can do with a lightsaber if she'll cooperate by not passing out.

Leia's response is to grab Luke's lightsaber and duel Vader. Luke councils her to kill him and herself. Vader promises he won't let Leia kill Luke. Leia ignores them both, avoids Vader's parry, and slashes Vader's mask. Only superhuman reflexes enabled him to avoid the full effect of the blow. Unfortunately, the blow gets Vader to take their duel seriously and Leia is on the defensive and taking slashes and burns from the lightsaber. While this fight is going on, Halla has climbed up the idol and pried the Kaiburr crystal from it.

Vader reaches the portion of the fight where all his blows on Leia are hitting: a slash across her midsection, a burn across her cheek, and a black gash down the back of her left leg. Nothing deep enough to sever limbs or disembowel, which does speak to Vader's talent with the lightsaber. While Vader is distracted, Hin crawls into to Luke's side. He uses his dying strength to shift the block enough for Luke to pull free. Vader slashes Leia across her chest and cuts through her suit before they hear the stone move. She manages to stay on her feet and throw the lightsaber hilt. Nobody uses the Force to snatch the lightsaber out of the air, but Luke makes a flying tackle to grab it first.

Luke rolls to his feet and gets between Vader and the fallen Princess. Leia is still vocal.

A thin, sorrowful voice. "Don't worry about me, Luke."

Vader appeared to inhale deeply. "No, Skywalker, He rumbled, "don't worry about her. Worry about yourself."

Luke felt a wild sense of elation as he brandished his father's weapon. "I'm not worried about anything, Vader. Not now. I have no more worries and only one concern." His voice held an unaccustomed hint of conviction. "I'm going to kill you, Darth Vader."

That humorless laugh again. "What a high opinion you hold of yourself, Skywalker."

"I'm ... I'm Ben Kenobi," Luke whispered in an odd way.

Vader counters with how he killed Kenobi and starts levitating rocks as missiles into the fight. Luke levitates deflector rocks and dodges the bas-relief statue Vader pulls off the wall on top of him. Vader admits that Luke has given him a challenge, and shifts into anime fight mode. He swings his lightsaber into a blur, leaps into the air, and then flings the lit lightsaber at Luke. Luke parries, but the Force in the blow knocks Luke's lightsaber out of his hands. The lightsabers land still activated, on the ground, near a dark circular opening that gaped black in the floor. Vader then lands and generates a white energy the size of his fist.

Luke can't reach his lightsaber in time, so he throws up his hands and looks away. His hands seemed to blur. The white globe struck them, bounced back, and contacted Vader gently as the later touched the ground. The gentle contact knocks Vader heels over helmet and flings Luke to the ground. Luke crawls toward the lightsaber. Vader's armor is damaged but he manages to crawl for his lightsaber. They both managed to get their lightsabers, get to their feet, and Luke rushes forwards and throws himself at Vader.

Vader manages to block the blow, but Luke continues sliding down the lightsaber beam with his own until his lightsaber pierces the stone floor and a rock strikes Luke's hand and jars the lightsaber loose. Luke then hits the ground and manages to roll onto his back to see what happened. What he saw was Vader staring at the floor. His right arm lay there, still gripping the glowing saber. Vader staggers over to take his lightsaber back from his detached limb (Foster does not describe this well, but I'm picturing Vader has to pick up the amputated limb with the Force.) Luke has no energy to move much less fight. He looks over to Leia, laying crumpled on the temple floor too, and says, "I'm sorry, Leia. I loved you." Vader reaches back for an overhand strike and staggers forward toward Luke. Then he staggers to the left. And disappeared.

Luke crawls over to the well. He senses Vader is still alive in the Force, but he's not climbing out any time soon. Luke then crawls to Leia's side, sobbing out of pain and exhaustion. Leia manages to open her eyes and smiles at him, but nothing else is happening. Halla reaches the top of the entrance rubble pile before she looks back at Luke and Leia. Then she looks out at their armored crawler outside and sees the deactivated droids. Kee's body is hidden inside the crawler. Halla crawls back into the temple and brings the Kaiburr crystal to Luke. They talk about it and Luke finds the crystal warm before he falls unconscious again. Halla gives up and turns away, cursing herself for not helping when it would have done some good. She looks back at Luke and her eyes bulge at the sight.

Luke's motionless form was enveloped in a rich, red bath of light. In his hands the crystal shone with a brilliance unnatural. Nor was the light still. It shifted, fluttered, ran over him like a live thing. It sought out every extremity, each finger and follicle, like St. Elmo's fire of old on the rigging of a sailing ship.

The light is sucked back into the crystal and Luke wakes up, not understanding what happened. Halla tells him how he was holding the crystal, so he tries that again. The glow from the crystal intensified. "I understand," came a voice out of Luke's body that might or might not have been Luke's. Luke acts like he's sleepwalking but uses the glow to heal Leia. The wounds vanish without a scar. Leia wakes up with a headache. Luke gives the crystal back to Halla, since she is coming with them she can continue to hold it. They leave the temple, turn on the droids, and get Artoo to turn on the crawler. Halla is driving again and the last words are given to Threepio who has an impression that everyone is laughing at what he said when he woke up.

What I Liked

"Your shooting, what I could see of it," he countered, a mite jealously, "was excellent. Better than I could have done." It's about time Foster remember Leia shoots better than either Luke or Han.

I enjoyed Grammel and Vader's argument and wish it was a continuation of the second pinch point scene that wasn't included in which Vader took control of the Kaiburr crystal shard, but let Grammel have control of the troops for the attack that he then bungled so badly. But I have to wonder what the outcome would have been if Grammel had stopped arguing and admitted how he had screwed up. As it is now, this is a quality Vader scene even though I'm convinced he looked back just to make sure Grammel's body didn't vanish like Obi-Wan's did.

I have no idea how they actually beat Vader to the temple, but damn what an entrance. On second thought, Vader probably did reach it first and hid to make an extra dramatic entrance.

There was less blood than Luke would have expected. Look, early evidence of just how few original limbs Vader has.

What I Found Problematic

Both Yuzzem grunted and had to inhale for all they were worth in order to fit through. That should be exhale to fit through a crevice.

The armored transport doesn't have a clear description. It has a turret open to the elements, it can hold ten stormtroopers, it is shaped like a muzzle and is pointed into the tunnel? I think it's more likely that all the attached weapons were pointed into the tunnel. And I really don't buy that Luke finds it more complicated than an X-Wing's control panel.

Wait a minute, all those dead Imperials who didn't escape their fate from the Coway didn't have equipment like antipersonnel charges to use? Or grenades like Luke had so much fun with back at Headquarters?

Okay, Foster has a bad habit of introducing something or someone and then giving their name the second time they show up. But the unnamed Imperial sergeant of the as you know fame never got a name! I'm naming him Asuno right now. Asuno is a horrible human being, right at home in the Imperial forces, so I don't feel bad about what happens to him. But I do hope that the Coway tribe moved after everything was done, just to be on the safe side of Imperial reprisals. And because I have a nasty streak, I'm saying the Coway turned all the Imperial weapons into a booby trap that blew up the retaliatory forces.

Luke's reasoning is sound and funny, but totally against the pity he was showing in the last chapter. The Yuzzem are going to kill everyone in that crawler and now he's okay with that. At least make Luke morose over the decision, we need the crawler to get the crystal and this keeps the Coway safe.

So I will at some point need to create a calendar for how long Luke and Leia are on Mimban. I'm fairly certain I am shortening that time frame and possibly giving them repulsorlift vehicles if they go faster.

I lost a bit of writing time researching ziggurats because the interior description threw me out of what I had visualized. There were two places above where the soaring, domed roof had fallen in. ... These unyielding supports [cylindrical bodies of towering obsidian pillars] boasted intricate carved patterns and designs, whose meaning none now alive could properly appreciate. From the exterior description and the Guatemalan footage from A New Hope, I was picturing a Central American pyramid or a Middle Eastern ziggurat without domes. While some artistic recreations have put domes on Middle Eastern ziggurats, I couldn't find their justifications for that and decided the structure most likely resembles Southeast Asia pyramidal temples which have undeniable domes as part of the structures and so much carving and bas relief sculptures.

"Pomojema, god of the Kaiburr," Halla whispered, without knowing why she was bothering to whisper. "It almost seems familiar, somehow." He reminds me of a Quarren with wings, but they weren't created until Return of the Jedi in 1983. I'm annoyed with Joe Bongiorno though. In the comments to David Wallace's Geekosity post Endnotes for Star Wars: Book of Sith (part 1), he calls Pomojema an "evil deity" designed referencing Cthulhu. I actually agree on the Lovecraft influence but there is no evidence in the text that he is evil. He was a god of healing! The Sith corrupt, but does that mean all alien religions tie back to them? I'm glad that EU trend has been booted out of the canon now.

Vader is mistaken about a few details as he taunts Luke and Leia. That lunatic in the freighter is the one who shot at your TIE Fighter. We never saw Tarkin torture Leia with Vader, but honestly that could have happened. Carrie Fisher revealed that the interrogation scene was longer and involved more stunt work for her and then it was all cut out of the film.

It really irks me that Vader doesn't correct Luke on Kenobi's name. I worked in a mental and sometimes verbal quirk to Luke in the second half of Liberation that he is constantly correcting himself from saying and thinking "Ben" and to use "Master Obi-Wan" instead. Vader--even with the changed backstory--was a student of Obi-Wan Kenobi and should always refer to him with that name. Is Luke possessed by Obi-Wan Kenobi? His lightsaber and Force techniques show a dramatic improvement in this duel, so I come down on yes, Vader is fighting them both in one body right now. But the text could have made the answer much clearer.

Swinging [Vader's] saber until it was no more than a blue blur in the dank air of the temple, ARGH! Color coding the lightsabers was established in A New Hope.

GRAVITY DEFEATS VADER! Oh sure, Luke/Kenobi helped wear him down until the Dark Lord of the Sith is staggering around like he's been to a kegger, but GRAVITY wins the day. I understand the problem of keeping a reoccurring villain alive, but I would have accepted Luke giving a mighty and desperate Force shove that pitched Vader into the sacrificial well.

Well shit, Hin and Kee died for you and you are not even bothering to bury their bodies? I hate how the aliens are treated in this whole book.

What Changes in My Fic

If anybody knows how to build a booby trap with Imperial weapons, it's Mara. Luke wanders off to be dejected he can't stop the massacre and she does something useful like get them fully charged weapons and tell the Coway what to do with the rest.

Halla muscles her way into the driver seat since she's the one who knows Mimban the best, with the same driving results.

Needless to say, Vader's conversational gambits are changing. He's not ready to reveal who he is to Luke yet (I'm saving that fun for Bespin of course) and Mara's there and of course, she's there to kill Luke again.

The Kaiburr crystal gives Padmé's ghost enough energy to show up to Luke, Mara, and Vader. Luke pulls down part of the temple to keep Vader from killing Mara and has a talk with Padmé, asking if she's an angel. Hin and Kee are not both going to die. But Vader's shuttle will end up at the temple, piloted by one of his Noghri honor guards, and our good guys are going to steal it to get off Mimban. So there will be a new conclusion scene when Leia and Obi-Wan come to pick them up.

Plot events time. Helping Writers Become Authors further explains this breakdown. Now we're going to cover the math. Reading Length calculated the word count to be 90,585 based off the page count. But this might be easier figured out using the # of scenes divided by 8 method. I'll put what should have been which essential scene in a red font.

• Luke reminiscing while flying to Mimban
• Hook 1% mark = Crashing onto Mimban Hook
• Set-up 1% - 12% =
  • Reuniting Leia and Threepio with Luke and Artoo,
  • Leia sinking in quickclay,
  • hiking and camping
• Inciting Event 12% mark = Finding the Imperial mining outpost Inciting Event
• Build-up 12% - 25% =
  • Disguising as miners,
  • Ordering food in the tavern,
  • Discovered and Luke lies to Imperial
• 1st Plot Point 25% mark = Luke and Leia agree to find the Kaiburr crystal with Halla
• Reaction to 1st Plot Point 25% - 37% =
  • Mud-wrestling 1st Plot Point,
  • Fight with miners,
  • Captured by stormtroopers
• 1st Pinch Point 37% mark = Meeting with Grammel
• Realization 37% - 50% =
  • Grammel talks with Essada,
  • Luke and Leia meet Yuzzem 1st Pinch Point,
  • Halla finds them
• Midpoint or 2nd Plot Point 50% mark =
  • Prison break ,
  • Blowing up Imperial headquarters
• Action 50% - 62% =
  • Stealing the crawler
  • Grammel's medical care Midpoint,
  • Wandrella chase,
  • Lake monster fight,
  • Coway attack,
  • Canu's judgment fight,
  • Coway feast 2nd Pinch Point
• 2nd Pinch Point 62% mark
• Renewed Push 62% - 75% = Coway prep for battle
• 3rd Plot Point 75% mark = The battle with Vader and the stormtroopers
• Recovery =
  • Leaving the Coway to head for the crystal,
  • Yuzzem take over the armored crawler,
  • Vader kills Grammel 3rd Plot Point
• Climax Begins 88% mark = Good guys beat Vader to the Temple of Pomojema
• Confrontation =
  • Fight with lizard,
  • Luke trapped under a rock,
  • Vader arrives,
  • Leia duels Vader The Climactic Moment,
  • Halla gets the Kaiburr crystal,
  • Hin frees Luke with his last breath
• Climactic Moment 98% mark = Luke duels Vader
• Resolution =
  • Vader falls into the sacrificial well,
  • Halla gives the Kaiburr crystal to Luke and he manages to heal both himself and Leia,
  • Wake up the droids and drive away

None of the above scenes fall where the story structure theory would put them. I could accept the math being off, if it weren't for a whole expected scene being missing so going by what logically goes with the plot sequence is completely uneven. But now that I'm here with Foster's outline, I need to structure my own outline and that needs a whole new post.