Mission on Mimban Ten

[klcthebookworm]

Previous Installments

Introduction, One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve, Outline for Mission on Mimban

What Happens in the Chapter

Chapter Ten opens with what Luke and Leia saw as the reached the apex of the rubble pile.

The cave opened out into an enormous circular amphitheater, as large as the black lake only empty of water. High up on the far side of the cavern wall sat several small, single-story structures. They were of the same construction as the city behind them, perhaps some kind of gateway buildings. ... The ground around them had been cleared of debris, and walls and roofs were neatly, if crudely patched. They gave every sign of being occupied.

The injured Coway didn't pause to take in the view and now has reached his people clustered next to a modest pond with a bonfire on its left shore. Between the pond and the bonfire are three large stalagmites to which Hin, Kee, and Halla are tied to. Artoo and Threepio are tied up with vines too, but not to any stalagmites.

Leia points out there really is no where to run, so Luke hurries after her as she makes her way to the crowd. The Coway part for his lightsaber. They are able to reach their companions. Halla can speak with the Coway, after a fashion. And she gives a whole lot of exposition before getting to the deal she worked out with the Coway chiefs: Luke fights their champion and Canu (the local god of adjudicating) will decide the winner. Halla pep-talks Luke by telling him she has lots of living left to do, don't let her down. Leia's pep-talk is reminding him of the meeting on Circarpous. Luke tells them both off before getting the details of this fight.

"You fight," Halla translated laboriously, listening to the chief's words, "until one of you quits or dies. The word for quit is saen. That doesn't matter, since you've nothing to gain by saying it." The fight is staged over the pond. Luke makes a valiant effort to stay on dry land, but the Coway champion pulls him into the water. Luke manages to get on top first, but can't push the Coway's head underwater. The Coway doesn't have nearly that much trouble with Luke's head. Luke bites him and knocks him off balance. The Coway charges Luke, who kicks him onto his butt. Luke kicks again, but the Coway grabs Luke's leg and drags him through the water. Luke is face down against the sandy bottom, running out of air again. His questing hands find a rock but it's too large for Luke to use as a weapon. A voice sang fancifully in the back of his mind. It was exhorting him to relax. Luke decides to follow that advice. Suddenly the pressure is off Luke's neck and he shoots for the surface.

The Coway champion lays on his back in the water and blood is trickling from his head. Luke crawls over to him, raises his fist, but the Coway doesn't respond. Leia's not afraid of this water and nearly pushes Luke back under again when she hugs him. The Coway finally comes to as Luke and Leia are climbing out of the pond, and more Coway come with first aid for him. That's when Luke sees the big rock, the one he couldn't lift. So he asks Leia how he won the fight. "Then you threw that big rock. Caught him right in the temple." Luke doesn't bother to explain what happened on his end, since he likes the look of admiration Leia is giving him, and figures he threw it with the Force. Somehow.

Luke cuts Halla free, but one of the Coway chiefs stop him from freeing the Yuzzem and the droids so he can cut them free signaling that Canu judged them trustworthy. The Coway champion trades blows with Luke again, signaling that Luke is the stronger fighter. To finish things off the Coway invite them to tonight's feast. Halla points out that they can't refuse the invitation without it leading to another ritual combat. Luke interrupts her before she finishes the spiel. "It just occurred to me how hungry I am...."

What I Liked

"About half a day, and my bladder's killing me," she informed [Luke]. I think this is the first mention of bodily functions in the EU.

Halla and Leia both give horrible pep-talks, so I'm with Luke when he tells them so. "The Alliance? What about me? Don't let you down. Both of you listen." He tapped his chest and regarded Leia. "It's more important in the end that I go on living than it is for me to make some vague patriotic sacrifice. Or," he continued, facing Halla, "that I get you out of a jam that you should have been able to avoid. You're the one with all the Mimbanian experience." But this phrasing makes it sound like Luke doesn't consider himself part of the Rebel Alliance. That doesn't make any sense because I'm pretty sure he's part of a squad and has credentials to bodyguard Leia besides "I totally got her off the Death Star." Oh right, he didn't accept a commission back in Chapter One. Why do they keep you around, Luke?

The voice Luke hears while he's running out of oxygen? Ben, is that you? But I can totally understand if Luke never wants to go near another body of water ever again.

What I Found Problematic

Halla communicates with the Coway chiefs; wait what? Threepio, fluent in over six million forms of communication, doesn't do it? All he says in the whole scene is to tell Luke to save themselves. It's not like this is an unknown skill of Threepio's; he tells Owen Lars in A New Hope! I do understand, Threepio is a hard character to write. But you set up what he is built to do and DON'T LET HIM DO IT! And we also skip a great opportunity for Threepio to point out that isn't what the word Halla gives Luke means.

The meeting on Circarpous: wait, hasn't Leia already missed the deadline for that? That was the impression I got when they were hiking towards the beacon and when Governor Essada brought it up; they had missed it.

What Changes in My Fic

Mara's getting the Canu's judgment fight. She's better at hand-to-hand combat and didn't almost drown fighting a lake monster several hours ago. Let's add in that she's having trouble with levitation. She tried it with her droid that sank into the quickclay and couldn't, so grappling with the rock unlocks it for her.

Plot events time. Helping Writers Become Authors further explains this breakdown.

• Hook 1% mark = Crashing onto Mimban
• Set-up 1% - 12%
• Inciting Event 12% mark = Finding the Imperial mining outpost
• Build-up 12% - 25%
• 1st Plot Point 25% mark = Luke and Leia agree to find the Kaiburr crystal with Halla
• Reaction to 1st Plot Point 25% - 37%
• 1st Pinch Point 37% mark = Meeting with Grammel
• Realization 37% - 50%
• Midpoint or 2nd Plot Point 50% mark = Prison break
• Action 50% - 62% = Wandrella chase, Lake monster fight, Coway attack, Canu's judgment fight
• 2nd Pinch Point 62% mark
• Renewed Push 62% - 75%