Mission on Mimban Nine

[klcthebookworm]

Previous Installments

Introduction, One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve, Outline for Mission on Mimban

What Happens in the Chapter

Chapter Nine opens with Luke and Leia's chat as they walk down the tunnel. Luke thinks of a new plan, but Leia dismisses Halla as a delusional old woman who wants the Kaiburr crystal to defeat Grammel. Luke brings up having to find it before Governor Essada and his people. Leia shudders, and Luke asks what could have happened on the Death Star to affect her so. Leia does not tell him. They find the linchen-fungi that glows in the dark, so they don't need to use their lumas. The underground is a wonderland of multicolored stalactites, an underground stream, a bottomless pond, a miniature forest of helicites, cantilevered mushrooms, and a tall stand of something resembling paralyzed bamboo encased in quartz that ring when struck.

Just when Leia's come around on her opinion of Mimban "If Mimban is ever settled formally, everyone should live underground," the ground shatters under her feet and Luke has to pull her out of the new pit. They pass on smooching, despite the obvious set-up for it. They continue on with the spelunking, testing the ground with the lightsaber and holding hands as they forge on. The path ends at the shore of a vast underground lake, so wide that they could not see the far shore.

We have a nice bit of problem solving as they figure out how to make a raft out of a leprous lily that grows where the underground steam meets this lake and paddles out of selenite crystals. With those preparations made, they make camp and both pass out from exhaustion.

They wake up after twelve hours of sleep and the concentrates for breakfast now taste good. They slide the pad-boat into the water and start paddling. They hug the wall on their left, where the path had vanished into the water. Eventually Luke's imagined terrors subside and he wonders about Leia if the experiences they'd gone through so far on Mimban had had a mellowing effect on her. Leia's common sense has not been affected as she shoots down Luke's offer to do all the paddling.

Several hours after lunch, Luke calls a halt to the paddling. He's nervous about a pop-plop sound, too erratic to be drip water from the ceiling. Everything goes quiet and they resume paddling. When Luke calls a second stop upon hearing the strange sound again, Leia sees and is rendered speechless by a trail of fat bubbles that was arrowing rapidly toward them.

Luke fights the lake monster with his lightsaber, and falls into the water. Leia gets into a tug-of-war with the lake monster with Luke as the rope. Finally the monster gets tired of lightsaber hits and leaves them alone. Leia has a nice screaming fit after Luke is safely onboard the pad-boat again.

After several more luckily uneventful hours paddling, the far shore finally comes into view.

An ancient dock protruded from the dry ground ahead. While no boats of any kind were in sight, the long finger of metal extending out into the water left no doubt as to its function, its alien design notwithstanding.

Luke had less luck identifying the purposes of the numerous structures clustered all along the shore. Many appeared raised from stone, others had metal walls, and some combinations of both materials. No matter what the compositions, every one displayed signs of considerable age.

The lake is not a new feature underground if the ancient and vanished Thrella built a dock. Leia refuses to get her feet wet when they reach waist-deep water, so Luke carries her the rest of the way. She apologizes for her behavior and reveals she can't swim. They hike through the abandoned city and Luke keeps having the something is watching me sensation. He turns around to follow movement he saw out of the corner of his eye and ends up cutting the Coway behind them in half. Five more block their path ahead. Leia arms herself with a broken stalactite and wields it like a dagger.

Despite the odds in numbers, this is such an uneven fight it's almost funny. Luke slices up two of their spears. Leia dodges the third spear, trips him with her legs, and then stabs him in the skull. One Coway switches to an axe and gets his legs cut off with the lightsaber. Another with a spear loses his spear hand at the wrist. The last one jabs at Luke with his spear so Luke cuts off the spear point. He throws the shaft at Luke and runs away. Leia's last opponent keeps her at bay with his spear and retreats when he sees Luke approaching. Luke takes him out by throwing his activated lightsaber in the Coway's back.

Meanwhile, the smartest of the Coway is running uphill and climbing over a huge pile of rubble from the ceiling. Leia upgrades her weapon choice to one of the axes of the dead Coway and flings it at the runner. She scores a hit on his right shoulder. He tumbles down the other side of the rocks and they climb after him, desperate to keep him from alerting others. The chapter ends with Luke and Leia staring down at what is on the other side.

What I Liked

The water [of the underground lake] was as black as the inside of the Emperor's mind. Yeah, a description that a) feels Star Wars and b) something that Luke would think of! And I do believe this is our first hint that the Emperor is the evil heart of the Empire. To double check my belief, I found the 1976 hardback of the first movie's novelization published by Del Rey Books in my library. I believe my father bought it and it found its way onto my shelves next to the paperback novelizations of the next two that I bought at used books stores. I replaced these copies with a 2015 Books-A-Million edition that put all three in one hardback, but I wondered if they had edited to reflect what we know from the prequels. Surprisingly, they did not change the Prologue between the two editions. Here's the passage that described the Emperor of the Galaxy:

Aided and abetted by restless, power-hungry individuals within the government, and the massive organs of commerce, the ambitious Senator Palpatine caused himself to be elected President of the Republic. He promised to reunite the disaffected among the people and to restore the remembered glory of the Republic.

Once secure in office he declared himself Emperor, shutting himself away from the populace. Soon he was controlled by the very assistants and boot-lickers he had appointed to high office, and the cries of the people for justice did not reach his ears.

Having exterminated through treachery and deception the Jedi Knights, guardians of justice in the galaxy, the Imperial governors and bureaucrats prepared to institute a reign of terror among the disheartened worlds of the galaxy. Many used the Imperial forces and the name of the increasingly isolated Emperor to further their own personal ambitions.

The Emperor we get in Empire Strike Back and Return of the Jedi is not this Palpatine described, and by the time we get to the prequels, the character is a Machiavellian devil. Don't get me wrong, I prefer my Palpatine as the Master of the Sith controlling the whole galaxy brought down low after twenty-ish years of complacency, miscalculating just how hard abused beings will fight back (including Anakin and the Rebellion in that), and failing to factor in the murderbears (Ewoks). I'm also tickled to find evidence of changes in motion, as it were.

No Virgin Alarms go off during this camping scene.

Crossing the lake has more of the in-character moments for me.

Out of excuses, he stared at the lake. "I hope this lake's not as wide as it looks. I don't like traveling on water."

"That's not surprising," soothed the Princess, knowing that on the desert world of Tatooine where Luke had been raised, an open body of water was as rare as an evergreen.

It took 194 pages in my paperback copy for Foster to finally remember Luke is from a damn desert! The resulting fears in Luke's mind are pretty good too, believable from someone who has never seen water like this before.

I like the lake monster encounter and its introduction.

It rose.

A pale amorphous form, shining with phosphorescence, in color it was not unlike the great wandrella. But compared to the lake-spirit the worm-thing was a familiar creature.

There was no face, nothing recognizable in that constantly altering form. It lifted short, thick pseudopods of a whitish substance clear of the surface. They gleamed brightly in the dim cavern light. Luke thought he could see partway through the creature, and strange shapes swirling about it internally.

I kind of hate that ILM didn't take a stab at this kind of monster. Nowadays it would be easiest to use CGI, so I'm curious as to what the old school approach for film would have tried instead.

What I Found Problematic

Given how Grammel treated you, Leia, I would think you'd be on board turning him into a frog. Sure, be skeptical that you can actually do that with the Force, but don't mock the old lady.

Luke asking about why Leia is freaking out over an Imperial interrogation and what happened to her on the Death Star doesn't bother me as much as his reaction. Leia charged out of her cell and took charge of her rescue and then he was thrown into the pilots' ready room. So it's perfectly reasonable that he missed her trauma until she fainted after Grammel told them about the Governor.

She turned memory-haunted eyes on him. "Maybe I'll tell you someday, Luke. Not now. I'm not... I haven't forgotten enough. If I told you I might remember too much."

"Don't you think I could take it," he asked tightly.

She hasten to correct him. "Oh not you, Luke, not you. It's me, my own reactions I'm worried about. Whenever I start trying to remember exactly what they did to me that time, I start to come apart."

And Luke immediately follows Leia's confession with a heartfelt apology for prying. No, that is not in the text at all. Leia changes the subject and they discover the lichen-fungi that glows underground. I'm torn about this characterization, because making the trauma survivor (typically a female) soothe who is prying into the trauma by making it all about themselves is such a common response. It's believable as written (shocker from Foster I know).

This dynamic needs to be drop-kicked into the sun.

So I want to rewrite this with an added apology from Luke. His empathy fueled by his Force Sensitivity should make it a lot easier for him to pick up on how badly Leia is still hurt by the Death Star events. He is in love with this woman, offer some damn comfort. But Leia won't be in my version.

This is the lamest just kiss I have ever seen written:

Rolling away from [the gaping blackness], the Princess caught him with a hand, her weight halting his slide. Now Luke rolled clear, came to a panting stop on her chest.

For a long moment they lay like that, suspended in time. Then their eyes met with a gaze that could have penetrated light-years.

Err, is Luke on top or are they on their sides chest-to-chest? Not only am I having trouble visualizing them on the ground, this really needs Mark Hamill and Carrie Fisher's expressive faces to make me feel it. Not that I really want to feel the twincest.

Wait a blooming second, where did all this equipment come from? After checking his timer he woke the Princess. You didn't have a time piece hiking to town. Luke checked his tracom. Okay, maybe you had that earlier when you were searching for the beacon, but why wasn't it named? Luke brought water from the stream in a collapsible cup. Why are we just now seeing this stuff when it should have been shown on the first hike in Chapter Two (Did they have incomplete survival packs because these things were not mentioned in the text there.) If they didn't have these things in Chapter Two, where is the text that says these items came from the swamp crawler? Who edited this work and never caught this inconsistency?

Why, Foster, why? I liked the battle with the lake monster, even if I think the lightsaber should have a bigger effect. But then you go and ruin it by making Leia scream after it's all over. Since when is Leia a screamer? Was it just a set up for this?

Her voice rose slightly. "I'm ready to get out."

"Believe me, Leia," he replied, taking her hand in his, "I'm in just as big a hurry as you."

This is Luke Skywalker, who hardly needs an excuse to give anyone comfort and would seize Leia's hand without her having hysterics. If anyone deserves to have hysterics it is him, our poor desert farmboy dragged underwater again by something trying to eat him. Hello PTSD flashback to the Death Star trash compactor.

Leia can't swim. This is information that should come up at the beginning of a journey over water not at the end. And even if she can't swim, stop being a wuss and get your feet wet. Because Leia is a lot of things but a wuss isn't one of them.

Interracial warfare, perhaps, or maybe sequential decadence ending in their being overwhelmed by aborigines like the greenies. I'm wondering about what happened to the ancient aliens of Mimban too, but damn the phrasing of this sentence just rubs me the wrong way.

That's not how lightsabers work! They have an automatic off switch. No throwing it at fleeing opponents and expecting it to remain on, unless you are using the Force to keep it on. Since writing this post, I found out I was wrong about lightsabers. They have a locking activator that keeps the blade extended while you throw it.

What Changes in My Fic

Showing better trauma victim support: Mara's trauma is so different from Leia and with the bond between her and Luke, I don't see this conversation even having the massive misstep of Luke making it all about him. What will they talk about during this hike?

Lumas will be changed to glow rods. And do a better job with explaining where the equipment comes from.

I want a line from Mara about how bad they are at keeping watch when they wake up.

The underground lake is a good opportunity to touch on what swimming lessons the Alliance has given Luke.

The lightsaber effects the lake monster. Unless it doesn't for the same reason lightsabers don't seem to boil water. Research this.

My revision of the after lake monster fight: Luke's clingy because oh-crap-I-could've-drowned! reaction has kicked in and Mara has pulled him back onboard. Mara discovers she's not opposed to clingy or more accurately hugging with Luke.

Plot events time. Helping Writers Become Authors further explains this breakdown. It probably hasn't escaped anyone's notice that the scenes in the past few chapters have not ended up on the outline. While thrilling obstacles to overcome, they have nothing to do with what I have identified as the plot: getting the Kaiburr crystal before Grammel does. When will we get back to that plot? I have no idea, but I decided to fill in these scenes under the Action section.

• Hook 1% mark = Crashing onto Mimban
• Set-up 1% - 12%
• Inciting Event 12% mark = Finding the Imperial mining outpost
• Build-up 12% - 25%
• 1st Plot Point 25% mark = Luke and Leia agree to find the Kaiburr crystal with Halla
• Reaction to 1st Plot Point 25% - 37%
• 1st Pinch Point 37% mark = Meeting with Grammel
• Realization 37% - 50%
• Midpoint or 2nd Plot Point 50% mark = Prison break
• Action 50% - 62% = Wandrella chase, Lake monster fight, Coway attack
• 2nd Pinch Point 62% mark
• Renewed Push 62% - 75%